Indulging in Irene Read online

  “And you want to work with animals?” I asked.

  “Yeah. How’d you know that?”

  “Your father mentioned it. He didn’t seem too pleased by the idea.”

  “He’s not. He’d prefer I go to law school. And I really don’t want to. Being a paralegal is one thing. But a lawyer…?” she shivered.

  “I don’t know. We’re not all so bad.” I couldn’t help but give her sad puppy eyes.

  “Oh, I know. I didn’t mean…” The apples of her cheeks turned bright red, and she dipped her head, letting her hair cover her face.

  An image of her head dipped as she sucked me off came unbidden into my mind. I could imagine pulling all that hair back from her face so I could watch her take me into her mouth.

  I swallowed hard and shifted in my chair.

  Irelyn lifted her head and brushed her hair back from her face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. I know this wasn’t your first choice. Oh, God, I’m just digging my hole deeper.”

  “Irelyn,” I said and squeezed her hand. Her small hand in my much bigger one ignited the powerful connection from earlier, and it hit me like a jolt of energy. We both stared at each other in acknowledgment. “It’s all good. You’re right. Being a lawyer wasn’t my first choice. But it is what it is. I enjoy it. So don’t look so freaked out. You didn’t insult me.”

  “I was there that day—”

  I put two fingers over her lips and shook my head. I didn’t want her to continue, and I didn’t want to go back to that day. I went there enough already.

  My fingers stayed on her lips longer than necessary. How could I resist? They were so soft and full. I couldn’t stop myself from rubbing my thumb over her bottom lip.

  “I just—”

  “I know,” I said.

  Irelyn’s eyes stared into mine as if she could see places inside me that I really wished she couldn’t. It made me nervous, and I licked my lips wanting so badly to kiss her. I was in uncharted territory. I didn’t do reticent when it came to women. I was a player that could pick up a woman to fuck in less than ten minutes. But Irelyn made me feel unsure of myself like a nervous teenage boy contemplating his first kiss. Though it aggravated me, I had to admit, it excited me too.

  She kissed my thumb and nodded, returning her attention to the TV.

  “Oh, look, Twilight is on.” She pointed to the pale-faced, bushy-browed actor.

  “The vampire movie based on a popular book series?” I asked, both glad and sad we’d moved past where our conversation had been heading.

  “Yep. One and the same.”

  “Wait. Wasn’t this the movie that made all the teenage girls scream and cry? Over him?”

  Irelyn laughed. “Yep. They went crazy over Edward/Robbie.”

  “Did you go crazy over him?”

  “Me? No way, not my type.” She vehemently shook her head and her face twisted in disgust.

  “Interesting. So, what is your type, Irelyn? Who made you scream and cry when you were a teen?” I asked, lowering my voice as I baited her.

  She sucked in a breath and bit her lip. Her eyes found mine, but she didn’t say anything. The crimson stain on her cheeks told me all I needed to know. Zolt Hamil, quarterback, was the one she had crushed on. Question was, would Zolt Hamil, lawyer and darkly fucked up man, have the same effect?

  “Still?” I heard myself ask before I could stop the words.

  “Yes,” she murmured.

  Oh, fuck!

  I closed the distance between us in a nanosecond. I needed to kiss her. Now!

  I slid my hands along her jawline, cupping her face. Irelyn’s already dark eyes simmered with want. I blinked to stop myself from getting lost in their depths.

  Then, as if we were being played by a supreme being, a sudden clap of thunder propelled us apart, shattering the moment.

  Which, in hindsight, was probably for the best. I knew if I ever started kissing her, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

  I dropped my hands from her face and stood, reflexively rubbing my leg. “Sounds like we’re in for a storm.”

  “Yeah,” Irelyn agreed, standing as well.

  We both walked to the wall of windows to gaze out into the night as the clouds opened up and sheets of rain hit the glass.

  “I guess I should go. Some of these roads like to flood in a storm,” she said, staring into the pouring rain.

  “You could stay.”

  What the fuck? Did I just ask her to stay?

  Irelyn turned and looked at me, her expression unreadable. I could feel the muscle in my jaw work, and I wished my brain would engage before opening my mouth. I needed to smoke. Maybe that was my problem.

  “I have a guest room. Two actually. I’d rather you stay. Who knows how long it will last.”

  “Um…” She bit her lip and turned back to the window. Her one syllable utterance spoke volumes. Irelyn felt the attraction as much I did.

  “Okay,” she murmured.

  “Okay? You’ll stay?” I knew I sounded more excited than I should, and that this was probably a bad idea. In fact, what the fuck was I thinking? What would happen when I had my usual nightmare? I didn’t want her to see that—see the wreck it left me in.

  “I mean you’re right. And, I don’t like driving when it’s raining this hard. The Mustang’s rear end has a tendency to get away from me when the road is wet.” She shrugged, and I could see the moment she’d talked herself into staying because her face relaxed, and the tension left her body.

  “Good.” I let my apprehension go too. I’d be in my room with the door shut. Hopefully, she wouldn’t hear it. “Do you want to go to bed now? The room’s ready. My brother was supposed to come this weekend and bring my dog, but he had to postpone for a few weeks.”

  “No. I’m not tired, unless you are. So, you have a dog?” Irelyn’s entire demeanor changed. She beamed with happiness at the thought of me and my dog.

  I couldn’t help but laugh, and maybe melt just a little.

  Fuck!

  “Yeah, a Bernese Mountain dog named Ben,” I said proudly. I really missed my dog.

  “Oh, I love those dogs. They’re beautiful. He’s big, I bet.”

  “Ha. He’s much bigger than I thought he’d get. But I don’t mind. I love big dogs.”

  “Me too. I have a Golden at home. Speaking of which, I really should call Anna and tell her I won’t be home. My parents are in Vegas, and I’ll need her to take care of Rufus.”

  Parents. Fuck. How could I forget about her dad? Ugh. I’m totally thinking with the wrong head, again!

  “I’ll just go call. Be right back.”

  I nodded and watched her walk away. Holy shit, she could fill out a pair of jeans. I took myself in hand, and adjusted my cock until it lay comfortably in my jeans once more. Irelyn was fucking hot, and she affected me more than any woman had in a very long time.

  Usually, when I trolled for a fuck, I wasn't very particular. Since I'd never see them again, who cared? As long as they weren't butt ugly, obese, or married, I was good to go.

  Irelyn was the only woman besides Hannah, my housekeeper, and the decorator, Mary, that had ever been here. Irelyn didn't work for me, though I can think of a job I’d like her to do on her knees.

  “God, I’m such a pig,” I mumbled under my breath.

  “Back,” Irelyn said, rejoining me at the wall of windows.

  “Everything good?”

  “Yep. Anna will take care of Rufus.”

  “Out of curiosity, where did you tell her you’d be?” I couldn’t help asking. Irelyn was hiding something, and I wanted to see how far she’d take it.

  “Um.” Irelyn looked at her feet, and then looked up at me. “I told her I was staying with my best friend Rachel. It's just easier that way. Though Anna wouldn’t say anything. She and I are tight.”

  “You’re not going to say anything about staying the night at my house to your parents?” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

  She shook he
r head. When she looked up at me, she was blushing, but her eyes had a guilty tinge to them.

  I smiled widely. Her blush made her that much more beautiful.

  Without thinking, I brushed her hair from her face, letting my hand linger on her cheek. Her skin was so soft and so inviting.

  Irelyn leaned into my touch and sighed, closing her eyes. When she opened them, I wasn’t sure what to think. She seemed torn.

  “Zolt,” she whispered.

  I sucked in a breath at the sound of her saying my name and the intense chemistry between us. The connection forged six years ago in the fires of my impending hell flared to life, and the energy was palpable.

  “Irelyn,” I whispered back, and leaned in and kissed her. For a second, she hesitated, and I almost stopped. Then, something inside of her shifted, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

  Irelyn kissed me with a desperation the likes of which I'd never experienced before —like she’d been waiting her entire life to kiss me. Her tongue danced and teased mine as she opened herself to me. I gave myself over to her, kissing her with as much desperation as I felt from her.

  I pulled her body to mine, pushing my hard cock against her, wanting her to know how much I wanted her. She moaned at the contact, and kissed me harder, driving her fingers into my hair.

  Breaking the kiss, I pulled away. “Irelyn,” I said, breathlessly. “Stay with me tonight. Let me take you to bed.”

  She closed her eyes and stepped back from me. Disappointment fell over her face, and she shook her head.

  “I can’t,” she said with a sad exhale. “Maybe I should just go home. I’m sure the roads are fine.”

  “No. I’m sorry. I thought you wanted this.” I tried to keep the confusion and slight hurt out of my voice.

  “I do want this. Fuck, I just can’t.” Her voice shook, and I wasn’t sure if she was about to cry.

  Her eyes began to fill with tears, and I began to feel like a shithead.

  Fuck. I bet she was a virgin.

  It never dawned on me that this beautiful woman might still be holding on to her V card.

  “Are you a virgin?” I asked, my voice sounding more horrified than shocked.

  Irelyn burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she did cry. Then, her infectious laughter drew out my own.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her eyes. “No, I’m not a virgin.”

  When her laughter faded, I realized it wasn’t a mirthful laugh but one of resignation to something you couldn't change.

  “What’s going on, Irelyn? You feel stuck, don’t you?” I don’t know why I asked that, but something inside of me seemed to know. I wanted to help her if I could, but I had a sneaking suspicion helping her would put me in a very difficult position.

  “It’s fine. I’m fine. One day, I won’t be stuck. One day very, very soon.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thanks, Zolt. I think I’d like to go to bed.”

  “Okay. Are you sure you’re all right?” I knew what it was like to feel resigned to a future you hated. I didn’t want that for her. The fact that I cared sent warning bells ringing in my head. My sixth sense told me something big and bad lurked around her. I’d always had this kind of sixth sense. Had it the day I went onto the football field for the last time. The difference now was that I had learned to pay attention.

  “I’m sure. Could I borrow a T-shirt? This top won’t be very comfy to sleep in,” she said, forcing a smile to her face.

  “Absolutely. I’ll show you to the guest room, and then I’ll bring you a shirt.”

  Irelyn grabbed my hand and brought it to her cheek. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “I really want things to be different.”

  I pulled her to me and held her. Stroking her head, I said, “Make them different.”

  She wrapped her arms around my waist and snuggled into my chest.

  I thought I had fucking died and gone to heaven. Having her in my arms felt right—too right.

  “It’s not that easy.”

  I sighed in understanding.

  Damn, she fit perfectly under my chin. I closed my eyes and rested my head on hers, breathing her in. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t the Zolt I was used to. But then, this wasn’t just any woman. This was my seraph, my savior who’d gotten me through the worst time of my life. The woman whose angelic and soulful gaze kept me from falling off the deep end the day my life changed forever. Whose face still pulled me from the nightmares.

  Irelyn was real and in my arms, and I couldn’t ignore that. Though I knew I shouldn’t, I decided then that I’d do anything to have her in my life and in my bed.

  That I even considered any of this scared the shit out of me, and I wasn’t sure I could do the relationship thing, assuming that was even a possibility. But letting this pass wasn’t an option either.

  I smiled when I came out of the bathroom and found an Arizona Cardinals T-shirt on the four-poster, maple bed. Picking it up, I unfolded it and turned it over. The back read Hamil with a white number seventeen.

  My smile grew bigger as I ran my fingers over the number. If I wasn’t sleeping in his bed tonight, at least I was sleeping in his shirt. For now, that would have to do.

  For now.

  I peeled off my clothes, slipped into the shirt, and climbed into bed. With my eyes closed, I let the events of the night replay. This was fucking insane. Crazy. Instead of being in Zolt Hamil’s bed, where I knew he wanted me, and where I wanted to be, I was in his spare bedroom. Why? Because I was stuck with my stupid boyfriend, Marcus. That was why.

  God, the way Zolt kissed me. I touched my lips, now a little swollen. I’d never been kissed like that before. Marcus didn’t believe in kissing, and there was no passion between us. With Zolt, I’d felt beautiful and desired. I wanted that. Hell, I deserved that.

  I opened my eyes and glanced at the closed door. All I had to do was slip out of bed and go to his bedroom; tell him I changed my mind.

  Have I changed my mind?

  As much as I wanted to answer that question yes, I couldn’t. My situation hadn’t magically changed in the past hour. Marcus and I were still together, and he and Daddy still had their weird bond. Until that changed, until I found the guts to break up with Marcus, Zolt and I couldn’t have anything else. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

  If I was honest, Marcus scared me. There was something dark within him. Every once in a while it would surface in his tone of voice or in a cold glint in his eyes. Sometimes, I wondered if Chris ever felt it. I knew he wouldn’t be happy about this relationship, although, he’d never warned me away from him, but then he probably never dreamed I’d end up with him.

  Thoughts of Chris turned into thoughts of his death, and I had to shove the last images I had of him out of my mind. I wished there was closure, that the questions I had could be answered. I didn’t believe for one minute that his death had been a random act of violence. Grandpa’s ranch was miles away from Scottsdale on a secluded plot of land. Why would someone purposely go out there to rob it? It made no sense. The brutality of the attack felt personal to me. Though I couldn’t confirm it, more and more, my instincts told me Marcus knew something he wasn’t telling me.

  It made me want out all the more. Now with Zolt, I felt it more keenly.

  I wish Zolt and I would talk about that day on the field, but I understood why he didn’t want to. The flash of pain in his eyes had told me he hadn’t fully come to terms with what had happened. Obviously, he had moved on, but some wounds don’t heal completely. I wanted to help him if I could. Maybe the best way for me to do that was to stay away. If only the connection between us wasn’t so painfully strong.

  I had to laugh when he asked me if I was a virgin. It was too funny because, really, I might as well be. Marcus barely touched me. We never participated in foreplay, and he hadn’t once gone down on me.

  I swung my legs out from the covers and put my feet on the floor. Was it so bad to want to be with Zolt? To allow myself to do what I wanted for
a change instead of worrying about what Marcus and Daddy wanted? If environmental law wasn’t so hot right now, Daddy would have made me change my degree. Because zoology had an emphasis on biology, he’d allowed me to pursue it.

  Fuck that!

  I closed my eyes and gripped the edge of the bed. Zolt was less than thirty feet from me. I frowned and scrubbed my hands over my face. If I went to him now, it would be for the wrong reasons. It would be in defiance of what I couldn’t change. I wanted more than that. Whatever would happen between Zolt and me, if anything, I wanted it to be because we both were in the right place, at the right time. If I couldn’t give all of myself to Zolt, I wouldn’t give any.

  Frustrated, I picked up my handbag, dug around, and found my phone. Rachel was probably at Cory’s house and wouldn’t text back, but I had to try.

  Me: Rach, you there?

  Rach: Hey, girl, what up?

  Me: If I told you I was sleeping over at Zolt Hamil’s house would you freak?

  Rach: Holy Mother Fucker! Are you fucking kidding me?

  Me: Nope.

  Rach: Wait, the fact that you’re texting me isn’t a good sign. Spill.

  I quickly recapped the evening, leaving nothing out.

  Rach: Irelyn, screw Marcus, that dickless asshole. You’re in Zolt’s house. Go fuck him already. Don’t text me again until you have.

  Me: Ok.

  Rach: You’re going to?

  Me: No.

  Rach: Bitch, you’re hopeless. Night. Call me tomorrow.

  Me: Night.

  I sighed and put my phone on silent, and crawled back under the covers. Too wound up to sleep, I tossed and turned. I couldn’t get the memory of Zolt kissing me out of my mind, nor the feel of his hands on my body and the sound of his voice as he asked me to spend the night.

  And now I was squirming. Great.

  Tentatively, I slid my hand down the T-shirt, wishing the hand skimming my body was Zolt’s. At my panties, I let my hand slip inside in search of the spot that needed the attention the most. While I’d rather share this orgasm with Zolt, that simply couldn’t happen. But, hey, a release was a release. And I needed one if I was going to sleep.