Saving Kenna Page 10

  I scrubbed my hands over my face in an effort to push the memories away, but they were as obstinate has Kenna herself. The more I tried to forget, or the harder I pushed at her, the more both she and the memories dug in their heels.

  They tore at my heart and made me want things I had no business wanting.

  They made me want her.

  Fucking Kenna!

  The woman wasn’t stupid; she knew exactly the effect seeing the images would have on me. She had documented every moment we spent together because she didn’t want me to forget—because she wanted me to see how happy we were when we were together.

  As much as I told myself not to, as much as I condemned myself for not having the will to stay the fuck away from her, I did exactly as she knew I would. I stared at our collection of digital memories until my eyes grew blurry.

  Each time, I told myself this was the last time and I was going to delete every last one, but I never did.

  I shook myself back to awareness in time to see Kenna lift her head and register my arrival. She dragged her fingers under her eyes before moving toward the car.

  My heart skipped a beat as I watched her come my way. With her shoulders slumped, and her arms hugging her middle, I could see how unhappy and closed-off she felt.

  Though I didn’t want to take the blame for her sadness, I knew most of it probably belonged to me. I had left on a two week Ceilte mission as soon as I returned from Cabo and I hadn’t told her, leaving her to probably make assumptions that may or may not be true.

  “Are you all right, love?” I asked as she climbed in the car. She adjusted her skirt, giving me a glimpse of her lovely long legs.

  My dick awoke and twitched uncomfortably in my pants. I knew how it felt to have those legs wrapped around my body as I fucked her. It was heaven and God I wanted that again.

  Soon!

  Now!

  “Nope.” She turned her head and looked at me. Want, longing, and sadness all reflected in her gaze. I felt it all as acutely as she did.

  A car behind us honked, reminding me to drive instead of sitting here like a dumbass.

  “I’m sorry.” I hazarded a quick glance at her before exiting the parking lot.

  “You should be.” Venom punctuated her words, and I jerked my head in her direction.

  “How so?” A stupid question of course. I knew exactly what she referred to.

  “I only went out with this asshat to make everyone shut the fuck up. I’m tired of them looking at me like there’s something wrong with me. The other night Rachel had the audacity to ask me if I was gay.”

  “She did?” I cringed, and my jaw muscles tightened.

  “Either I’m gay or there’s something wrong with me, because how can such a young, attractive woman not want to date?” Kenna turned and glared at me.

  “I was completely mortified, and worse yet, I couldn’t say a fucking word. I sat there at a family dinner while she went on and on about how I needed to be dating. Then, I thought, maybe she’s right. Why shouldn’t I date since I’m pretty sure you fuck other women? So, I went out tonight and ended up being practically mauled once the lights in the theater dimmed. His hands were all over me, touching parts of me I’ve only let you touch.”

  A growl started low in my throat and burst out before I could stop myself.

  “I tried hard to like it, to like him, because again, why shouldn’t I? I mean, it’s not like we’re together. Even though you claimed me as yours, the fucked up truth is, I’m not. As much as I want to be, as much as I lay awake at night and pray for our time to come, it never does.”

  “Kenna—” She stopped whatever lame excuse I was about to give by holding up a halting hand in my direction.

  “It’s fine, Sloan. I get it. If I was really yours the way you claimed when we made love in Cabo, you would have told me you were leaving for two weeks, and I wouldn’t have been wishing I could let myself be attracted to another man.” She sucked in a long breath and released it, turning her head to look out the window. Her hand fisted and released the material of her black skirt.

  “If I was yours, you would have never allowed another man near me. But you did, so I’m not.”

  Her words were like a gut punch, one strong enough to double me over. Before I could check myself, I pulled the car onto a quiet side street that ran adjacent to an empty office complex.

  I was out of the car and around to Kenna’s side in a flash, throwing open the door.

  “What the fuck, Sloan?” she grumbled as I undid her seatbelt and tugged her from the car. The full moon shed enough light on her gorgeous face for me to see both the surprise and consternation.

  My arms wrapped around her, holding her tight against me. Kenna struggled to break free, but I wasn’t about to let her go.

  “Let go of me!”

  “No.”

  “Why?” Her voice warbled but I didn’t relent.

  “When I claimed you as mine in Cabo, I meant it.” My mouth came down on hers, and she struggled, pushing against my chest, but I didn’t break the kiss.

  My tongue invaded her mouth in an almost-violent manner. I moved to the tender flesh of her lovely neck where I kissed and sucked, and it took everything in me not to mark her as mine.

  Kenna whimpered as I continued my rough assault on her, but knowing this didn’t hinder me. I couldn’t stop until my cock was buried deep inside her.

  Her stiff body began to soften, to mold against mine as I continued to plunder her mouth with mine.

  I broke the kiss and walked us to the front of my Challenger. With my wits a little more intact, but still skirting the edge of control, I pulled off my T-shirt and spread it out on the hot hood before pushing her back. I took her arms and positioned them above her head, trapping her hands with one of mine.

  “Sloan, what—”

  I silenced her protest with a bruising kiss; a crippling kiss meant to bend her to my will and take everything and more from her. I hadn’t meant to hurt her by leaving and not telling her, but I had, and I hated myself for it. Our intense connection scared the hell out of me, and the more I tried to deny it, the more intense it became.

  As if reading my mind, Kenna kissed me back with almost as much force as I had exerted on her.

  My free hand inched under her skirt and moved upward until I reached the sweet spot between her thighs. I worked my fingers between the lace of her panties, creating a hole big enough for me to rip the silky material from her body.

  Kenna gasped when I ripped them off, leaving her bare to my wicked ways.

  I let go of her hands so I could unbutton my jeans and pull them down.

  I needed to fuck her, now!

  She belonged to me, and I intended to make sure she understood that nothing had changed.

  With my jeans at my feet, I maneuvered myself on top of her. Kenna opened to me, locking her legs around my waist as I worked my way into her. I gave her a moment to adjust to me before I took what was mine.

  A whoosh of air escaped her as I set a punishing pace. I bit her bottom lip, then licked with the tip of my tongue as I continued to pound away.

  “Fuck Kenna!” I grunted as her hands fisted in my hair and pulled. Pain and pleasure shot through my body nearly undoing my control.

  Her bright green gaze grew large as I lifted one of her legs and placed it over my shoulder, pushing myself even deeper insider her.

  The position of her leg, and the angle of the hood of my car caused me to hit her clit and G spot with every thrust. When her sweet pussy constricted around my cock as she neared her release, my entire body began to spasm, careening me over the precipice in a mind-blowing orgasm.

  “Come Kenna!” I demanded with one last hard thrust. She complied, her own body spasming around mine.

  We laid there panting and struggling to come back to reality. I looked around, making sure no one had just seen me fuck my girlfriend on the hood of my car.

  What the fuck was I thinking?

  “You are
mine, Kenna. Don’t ever think you’re not,” I said, needing her to understand how I felt.

  “You can’t ignore me like you’ve done for the last few weeks since Cabo. I’m in love with you, and you’re hurting me. We’re different now, and I—I need to know I still matter to you.” Her ruby lips trembled, and once again, it was my fault.

  My heart plummeted. She was right; we were different now.

  “You do, Kenna. God, you do. And there hasn’t been anyone else since Cabo.”

  I brushed strands of her hair from her face before gently kissing her. That crazed need from before began to lessen postcoital. I could show her I did care—that I would always care.

  “I lo—,” Kenna said.

  “I know,” I responded, wondering how long I could depend on her love before Kenna decided to move on without me.

  “Please don’t forget me, Sloan. Please.”

  “Never, M’fhíorghrá. Only mine. Forever mine.”

  Chapter Ten

  Sloan

  Present Day

  THE SOUND OF my cell phone ringing pulled me out my reminiscing of being with Kenna.

  I picked up the phone and arched a brow when I saw T-bone name flash on my screen. I hadn’t expected to hear from him until they returned from Quebec.

  Without thinking, I picked up the Emerald and almost dropped it—the stone too hot to the touch.

  “T?” I said worriedly, staring at the Emerald on the floor.

  “Sloan.” The broken sound coming from a man I only knew as strong and unflappable had me springing from my chair. “What is it? Irelyn? Zolt?”

  “It-It’s Emmeline and Jacob. They’re… Oh fuck Sloan, they’re dead.”

  “What?” My head spun with his words and I thrust out an arm for leverage.

  “Jacob lost it when we confronted him. When he saw Irelyn and Zolt had married…he snapped.” T-bone stopped talking, and I heard him suck in a ragged breath.

  “What do you mean he snapped? T, what the fuck happened?” Blood pounded through my ears, and I reached down and picked up the Emerald, needing to feel its weight in my hand. Now it wasn’t only hot, it also had a strange vibrating sensation.

  “Jacob shot Emmeline before he turned the gun on himself. We weren’t fast enough. I didn’t think he’d… Oh God Sloan!”

  I swallowed hard, not knowing what to say or feel. “Emmeline” was all I could mutter. My stomach turned, and I thought for sure I’d puke.

  This wasn’t happening. Then, I thought about Irelyn and more fear sent a cold shiver through me.

  “T, is Irelyn all right? Zolt?” I held my breath as I waited for his answer.

  “Fine. Well not fine, but not hurt. Jacob and Emmeline were in another room. Zolt didn’t let Irelyn go in. Only Grant and I saw the aftermath. Fuck Sloan! I never dreamed Jacob would do this.”

  I stared blankly ahead not knowing what to say. Of all the things I imagined happening, this one never crossed my mind. I figured Jacob’s self-righteous and egotistical demeanor would have him denying everything.

  “When are you coming home?” I asked, remembering I still held the phone.

  “We’re on our way back now. I had to pull some strings to get the Wilkes’ released. It happened only hours ago. Shit, how did I not see this coming?” T’s voice crumpled with his last words.

  “I-I don’t know. Poor Irelyn… ” An overwhelming need to see her, to tell her she wasn’t alone, that I was her family, surged through me. “What time will you land?”

  “A few more hours. You’ll go to Zolt’s?”

  I nodded, and then remember he couldn’t see my answer. “Aye.”

  “Good. Irelyn will need you. She’s a mess, Sloan. We had to sedate her, and Zolt isn’t much better. He’s trying hard to stay calm for Irelyn but I can see the storm in his eyes. If I’d just reacted a minute faster—followed Jacob into the other room…”

  “Don’t T. Don’t do that to yourself. It serves no purpose. Believe me, I know.” I sighed, feeling completely empty and useless.

  After I disconnected from T-bone, I glared at the Emerald. With as much power as I could muster, I threw it hard against the wall, not caring what happened. Then, I sunk to my knees and wept.

  I opened Zolt’s patio door and went to Irelyn who sat in the dark, staring out into the hot July night.

  “Irelyn, love,” I said softly, and placed my hand on her shoulder.

  She turned her head, and her lovely sable-brown eyes—dimmed with the tragedy that had befallen her—found mine. In them, I saw a woman lost in sorrow.

  My heart broke into a million pieces.

  “Sloan!” She flung herself from her chair and into my arms.

  I pulled her tight against me as she buried her head against my chest. Since I didn’t know what to say, I simply held her, letting her cry while I stroked her hair.

  “I’m so sorry, Irelyn. I should have been with you.” My own guilt and sorrow made my words thick and hard to say.

  “It wouldn’t have mattered. Nothing matters. I’m alone now. Really alone.” She stepped out of my embrace.

  “No, love, you’re not.” I dragged my thumbs lightly under her eyes to wipe away her tears. “You have Zolt and you have me. You’ll always have me.”

  “I have no blood family, Sloan. They’re all gone. Marcus took them all from me.”

  My jaw tightened, and I ground down on my teeth to stop from telling her the truth.

  I’m your family! I silently yelled.

  “You know how much I adore you, right?” I asked, in an attempt to communicate just a fraction of what I really wanted to say to her.

  “I do.” She gave me a ghost of a smile that faded away on the hot summer breeze.

  Now that I could get a good look at her, I could see the dark circles under her eyes. Irelyn was always pulled together, but tonight she resembled a mere shell of herself, her blonde waves haphazardly piled on her head in a messy bun. She must have been wearing one of Zolt’s shirts because the Arizona Cardinal jersey swallowed her thin frame.

  “How did all of this happen? How did my life get so fucked up without warning?” Her voice quavered as she asked a question I had no answer to.

  “How did my dad get so fucked up that he no longer cared about his family? I can’t stand it, Sloan. I feel like this nightmare will never end. How am I supposed to deal with all this?” Irelyn rubbed her hands over her face.

  I pulled her back into my arms, and I could hear Zolt’s growl behind me, but I didn’t loosen my hold.

  “Lean on us. Lean on me, and lean on Zolt. You’re married now, Irelyn. In all the shit that has gone down, you and Zolt have found your way to each other. Not everyone gets the chance the two of you have been given. Hold on to that.”

  “You love Kenna, don’t you?” She tipped her head back to look at me.

  I sighed heavily, a little taken aback by her question. “Aye.”

  “I could tell by the way you looked at her the night of our get together. You and her have been together for a while, haven’t you?”

  I nodded, unable to form the words.

  She stepped back from me again, and Zolt was at her side, pulling her against him with a possessive arm around her shoulder.

  Irelyn’s posture changed as she molded herself to him, taking the comfort he offered.

  Zolt kissed the top her hair, and I could see and feel the love between them—see it in his expression as he held his wife.

  When they were first together, I had warned Zolt not to hurt Irelyn; to treat her with the respect she deserved. Lucky for Zolt he had heeded my warning and done right by her.

  Seeing them together now caused a pang of jealousy to rip through me, and I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. I needed to get Kenna back before I completely lost it.

  “We’ll find her, Sloan,” Irelyn said and squeezed my hand. “We have too.”

  I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair, lacing them behind my neck. When I o
pened my eyes, both Zolt and Irelyn were staring at me.

  “I’m sorry,” I croaked. “I just can’t believe the turn of events. I’m starting to feel completely impotent—like nothing I do matters.”

  “I know the feeling.” Zolt let out a harsh exhale. “We’ve got to find Marcus’ weakness, find the thing that will make him break. Right now, he’s playing us perfectly.”

  “Aye, he is,” I said gruffly. I had this strong feeling Delaney Carmichael was the answer to our problem. Chris had mentioned her on more than one occasion, hinting she and Marcus had a complicated history.

  If I was right, if she meant something to Marcus, I’d use her to hurt him as much as he’d hurt us.

  Chapter Eleven

  Kenna

  Present Day

  AFTER JOE RAPED me, my world changed dramatically. When Marcus found out what Joe had done, he yelled in my face it was my fault. Obviously, I had flaunted my body and enticed him because there was no way Franklin would disobey his orders.

  I kept silent as Marcus railed at me. Defending myself would only piss him off more. My punishment for my supposed crime would be bad enough without egging him on. Unfortunately, Marcus set out to prove his point, and each lick of his whip loosened my lips, making the lies so much easier to say.

  Marcus wielded the instrument with expert precision, causing me major pain, but always leaving me intact and mostly lucid. After all, I was his money maker, and every good business man knows you take care of your assets.

  I’ll admit I despised my weakness. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to defy him, but pain was a cruel mistress. She can make you do almost anything, including admitting you wanted a man to take you against your will.

  It took me a few days to recover physically from both Marcus and Joe’s assaults. The pain from being raped, compounded with my wounds from being whipped, made it impossible to find relief. With no bathroom at my disposal, there was nothing I could do to help myself; no small luxury I could use to make me feel better.

  That’s when I became methodical about the songs I sang. I mentally ABC’d every band I knew, and then cataloged their songs alphabetically. Once my mental line-up was complete, I sang each song four times before moving onto the next. If I missed a word or screwed up the lyrics, I started over until I sang if perfectly. Sometimes, I imagined Sloan was with me, and other times, I thought of my family and friends while I sang.